Are You Offering Pie In The Sky Or A Goal Your Client Can Truly Reach?

One of the worst things you can do is inadvertently offer your client a goal they can’t reach.

Well, sure. They’ll probably be able to reach it someday. After all, that’s part of your job, right? To hold the dream of their success, competence, value and worth as inevitable, even when they can’t see it?

But one of the biggest problems I see is coaches who offer too much, too fast; and many counselors and therapists frequently doing the opposite and offering too little, too slowly.
Somewhere in between the two is the optimal goal.

How do you find it?

1st – My suggestion is to always take the time to create an absolutely, unequivocally, beyond a shadow of a doubt, reachable outcome. By that I mean an outcome your client can reach while they’re still working with you – preferably before they leave your office each and every meeting.

2nd – Break down the big goal into the little goals essential to reaching the big one. Goals that entail overhauling a complete life style are not quickly reachable outcomes. The wise coach or counselor keeps breaking down the big goal into the little goals that have to be reached before the final destination comes into view.

We all know that in order to someday dance, you have to start as a baby, rolling over onto your belly from your back. statue-of-dancerThis has to happen before you can crawl; and crawling has to happen before you can stand; and standing before you can walk, and walking before you can run, and running before you can finally dance freely and with abandon.

Most goals are usually reachable, but always in small steps. Your job is to make sure your client is focused on the step in front of them.

And it’s your job to put that step in view and keep it there until it’s reached and the next step comes into view.

The bigger the scope of the change, the more small steps will be required. Here are some categories   Continue reading

Are You Aware of Rapport’s Slippery Reality?

Everyone in this business knows that rapport is the bottom line IF you want to get the change the client is asking for. But we don’t always stay tuned into rapport throughout the course of a session – and THAT creates more problems than almost anything else.

Most of us define rapport as something that happens when two folks can relate to each other, connect, or feel safe; in other words, when you like each other. In the world of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), rapport is defined as your connection, or lack of it, with the unconscious mind – not whether the client likes you, or feels safe with you.

Your first job is to create rapport with the client’s unconscious mind – and then sustain it. Or, what I have found to be even more important, knowing when rapport gets broken and how to re-establish it on the spot!

How do you get an unconscious mind to feel safe with you? Not necessarily by being nice and kind, or looking and sounding understanding. The unconscious mind knows that you see it when you reflect back its own patterns.

We all easily relate to people we feel are the same as us. We assume because they are so similar, they can understand us and that creates a feeling of safety – as if we’re in the presence of a member of our own tribe.

NLP is widely known for teaching students to create rapport by mirroring their client’s body postures, movements, eye patterns, and language. But the key is knowing how to assess whether or not you succeeded in establishing rapport with the unconscious mind.

Lemon slice with water dropsHow do you do it? Continue reading