Everyone in this business knows that rapport is the bottom line IF you want to get the change the client is asking for. But we don’t always stay tuned into rapport throughout the course of a session – and THAT creates more problems than almost anything else.
Most of us define rapport as something that happens when two folks can relate to each other, connect, or feel safe; in other words, when you like each other. In the world of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), rapport is defined as your connection, or lack of it, with the unconscious mind – not whether the client likes you, or feels safe with you.
Your first job is to create rapport with the client’s unconscious mind – and then sustain it. Or, what I have found to be even more important, knowing when rapport gets broken and how to re-establish it on the spot!
How do you get an unconscious mind to feel safe with you? Not necessarily by being nice and kind, or looking and sounding understanding. The unconscious mind knows that you see it when you reflect back its own patterns.
We all easily relate to people we feel are the same as us. We assume because they are so similar, they can understand us and that creates a feeling of safety – as if we’re in the presence of a member of our own tribe.
NLP is widely known for teaching students to create rapport by mirroring their client’s body postures, movements, eye patterns, and language. But the key is knowing how to assess whether or not you succeeded in establishing rapport with the unconscious mind.
How do you do it? Continue reading