Avoiding These 3 Ideas Supercharge Efficient Communication

Today’s clients want change fast which means efficient communication. In our everyday world, speed has become king. And personal growth is not immune to this desire.

Speed is in high demand. And on top of that, you may find yourself dealing with time constraints also imposed on the client’s desire for personal growth & professional development.

This reality is forcing coaches to learn how to work faster, more efficiently, and most important, remain as effective as ever in producing long term results.

The key to handling this conundrum is discovering and embracing the art of rapport.

Efficient communication can be disrupted when you become:

      • Secretly ambivalent about seeing new clients
      • Nervous about starting to get your coaching career off the ground
      • At a loss to understand why a very ‘easy’ client suddenly became ‘difficult’
      • Sensing you lost your client somewhere along the way and don’t know why or how
      • Afraid to take on a client who seems resistant to doing the work, yet wants the change they’re asking for
      • Exasperated, but suddenly confident that person falls into the category of being  ‘uncoachable’
      • Certain your client isn’t ‘ready’ to do the work they need to do to get the change they want

Without The Skill To Develop & Maintain Rapport
You Can Reach Unhelpful Conclusions

These concerns have contributed to the development of three very unhelpful notions that block efficient communication. And my concern is that these ideas have become all too prevalent, and accepted as true, in the world of coaching.

Because these ideas provide the coach with a reason for the appearance of all of the above stated concerns, they have the power to interrupt the coaching process, often before it truly begins.

When left unchallenged, these ideas can become the stated reason why the coach is not able to get the client to their stated goal – leaving you, the coach, (and your client) feeling a bit lost, confused, and frustrated.

When a coach embraces these three ideas as the ‘truth’ about their client, the coach’s value and usefulness to the client can quickly fade into the background.

And this also leaves the coach feeling less than great about their skill, and often doubting their competence & capabilities.

Are you feeling a little pressured because clients are generally expecting quick results? If so, you may be at the effect of these 3 pervasive ideas.  They can 1) disrupt efficient communication, 2)  stymie your success and 3) cut you off from your professional creative power.


The 3 Ideas Sure To Disrupt Efficient Communication 

Too frequently I hear the following 3 notions as the reason a client is not reaching their goal. And, why the coach is helpless to make it different.

      • The first most pervasive notion is that it is possible for a client to be ‘un-coachable’.

      • The second most pervasive notion is that the client isn’t ready to make the change they say they want.

      • And the third most pervasive notion is that the client doesn’t really want to change.

These all translate into the notion that somehow the problem is with the client. And that may or may not be the reality of the situation.

With the proper skills, these three ideas lose their power and sense of truthfulness.

This skill-set frees the coach to dive into the what is now an open book – and help the client keep moving toward their goal.

 

All clients automatically become ‘coachable’ when you know how to establish rapport with their unconscious mind.


This is the last day to sign up to attend
 My Free Webinar On July 23, 2019

Learn Why RAPPORT Is The Fundamental Key To Your Long Term Success

To enroll, please CLICK HERE.
If you can’t make it, not to worry. A recording will be available.


What’s The Importance Of Building Rapport In Coaching?

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courtesy of www.PresenterMedia.com – Article by Ragini Michaels

Could you be underestimating the importance of building rapport in coaching?  Here’s why it is extremely important; and why it is not to be overlooked:

  • Rapport is the number one key to having your clients return. Not only for a few follow up sessions. But calling you for help with new issues years later, again and again. They will remember you and court your guidance to help them navigate through new problems. And all of this based on the rapport you established the first time around.

  • Rapport is the number one key to unlocking your client’s desire to shout your name to the rooftops with lavish and powerful referrals. They feel happy with how they felt in your presence. AND grateful you helped them get where they wanted to go. With great rapport, clients can hardly contain their joy and will sing your praises to everyone they know. (Ok. A bit of an exaggeration. But still, after 4 decades of private practice sustained by client referrals only, I can’t say it’s that much of an exaggeration.)

  • Rapport is the number one key to transforming the most difficult and resistant client into one of the easiest and most fun to work with. Knowing how to purposely boxer_throwing_punches_anim_500_clr_6563build rapport can move the most recalcitrant person into wanting to give up the fight. This situation almost begs for your own creative juices to get involved.  And that’s where it becomes fun to work with the previously thought to be ‘difficult and un-coachable’ client.

When I’ve asked coaching professionals if they agree with the importance of building rapport in coaching, this is what I hear again and again: ‘That’s a no-brainer.  Of course it’s important’

Yet, when I ask how they know, for sure, they have rapport, I get a variety of interestingflip_a_coin_catch_500_clr_15516 answers:

  • They seem to like me.
  • Well, they answer all my questions.
  • I’ve worked with their problem before, so my confidence inspires trust.
  • I listen a lot and am not intrusive.
  • I match them energetically and that’s all it takes.
  • My reputation precedes me, so of course they feel comfortable.

So, if what you’re doing is keeping your practice up and running, and growing, that’s great.

But if not, read on and I’ll share with you the real importance of building rapport in coaching. But first….

What is Rapport, Really?

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Well, let me start with what rapport actually isn’t. It’s good to be clear about this. If you start to feel like you’re trying to push a square peg into a round hole, that’s a clue you don’t have it.

Rapport is not:

  • Being liked.
  • People answering your questions
  • Established automatically because of your background or reputation
  • Listening avidly and not asking too many questions.
  • Being from the same hometown, or having the same teachers.

People go to a coach for help in changing a wide range of things: behaviors, limiting beliefs, or debilitating and hurtful notions about who they think they are.

It is this conscious desire to change behavior that can bring them to an NLP Coach rather than a traditionally trained coach.

This is because an NLP Coach is not only trained in the art of skillful inquiry.  They are also trained in the science of accelerated behavioral change.

When does the importance of building rapport in coaching becomes obvious? When you realize it’s the unconscious mind you have to work with. No behavioral change can happen without it’s blessing.

The Key To Accelerated Behavioral Change

Many avenues of personal growth rest on the notion that if you understand why what you’re doing isn’t working, you should be able to change it.

If your strategy is wrong and you generate a new one, you should then be free to do what you couldn’t do before.

If your belief is wrong and you can figure out the right belief, then you should be able to behave in the new ways it allows.

Up to a point, this is certainly true and a useful course of action. But how about after that woman_back_and_forth_questions_500_clr_12477point?

When behaviors don’t change and shifting beliefs and strategies don’t do the trick, another angle of vision is needed.

That angle becomes available in a fundamental NLP skill-set:

The skills for communicating not only with the client’s conscious mind, but with their unconscious mind as well.

Why is this extremely important to know?

It is the unconscious mind that has the power to embrace
OR veto your client’s conscious desire for change.

In NLP, building rapport means establishing trust – with the unconscious mind. And that’s what cinches the importance of building rapport in coaching.

Your client’s unconscious mind needs to trust YOU before it will explore the possibility of embracing that desired new behavior.

Rapport & Your  Client’s Unconscious Mind

Your client’s conscious desire to change is what brings them to you asking for help.  The unconscious mind’s desire is to keep things as they are.show_police_badge_PA_500_clr_3933

The unconscious mind’s job is to protect the client.  It operates out of an uncompromising commitment to safety and protection.

And this is what can make it so difficult, or seemingly impossible, for the client to get the change they want.

The unconscious mind can be completely unaware that a behavior is no longer working for the client.

So it operates under the notion that when something isn’t broken, don’t mess with it.  Keeping the status quo is its favorite M.O.

When you have rapport with the unconscious mind, it trusts you.
But more importantly, it will communicate with you.

As a coach, you want to be free to communicate directly with the mind that is in charge of behavior.

This reveals the importance of building rapport in coaching – and maintaining it throughout your session.  Without it, the process of change can be much slower and stodgier than it needs to be.


If you’re interested in learning more, please CLICK HERE  to sign up for my FREE 30 Minute Webinar – The Art Of Rapport – this coming Tuesday, July 23rd at 9 am PST.

A recording will be available, so be sure to sign up even if you can’t attend.  And I’ll be including a free download – Tips For Creating Rapport.

I hope you found this interesting.  If you’d like to chat with me personally, just go to www.Calendly.com/rm–10/30min to schedule a 30 minute free call at your convenience. I’d be delighted to meet you.

Much love,
Ragini

 

 

 

3 Reasons NLP And Energy Psychology Can’t Be Enemies

Heard Of NLP And Energy Psychology?
Wonder Why These Two Mental Emotional Health Models Actually Make Great Allies?

NLP and Energy Psychology offer practitioners new options to fill the increasing demand for accelerated behavioral change.

Today’s mental and emotional health considerations bring new challenges – resulting in the demand for more short term engagement resulting in greater long term results.

Our fast paced world is forcing all of us to move faster, be quicker on our feet, and stay focused on innovation and what’s next, just to keep up – even if we’re wise enough to know it’s not smart, healthy, or wise.

NLP & Energy Psychology:
New Skill Sets For New & Changing Times

Beliefs about our capabilities, possibilities, sense of identity, and emerging spiritual realities are both expanding and contracting, creating a stronger sense of conflict and fear.

These shifts are forcing today’s mental and emotional health practitioner to move more efficiently and effectively.  To me, that means working at a new and deeper level with both conscious awareness and acceptance.

That deeper level is the unconscious mind.  This moves us past ‘just talk’ to ‘talk from a different angle’.

NLP has been said to revitalize the power
of traditional talk therapy. 

Shifting external forces are combining with the reactivity of confused & frightened internal forces (thoughts & feelings). Together, these continue to shape and reshape our expectations and sense of direction individually and globally.

This creates a fast paced pressure to create a better world (and save the one we have). People simply don’t have the time, money, or energy to invest in long term and expensive therapy.

People want their desired changes to happen fast! today! now!
and preferably yesterday!

People want their brain to be on the same page as their desires.  Limiting beliefs & fears can make that impossible. Unless …

the desired outcome is coded into the brain as a better option than the old unwanted limited beliefs that limit capabilities, possibility, and sense of self.  Here’s how NLP and Energy Psychology come to the rescue.

The Three Reasons

There are three reasons why these two models of mental emotional health can be of great value to you as a coach or consultant. And this applies whether you work with any individuals, teams, or businesses.


ONE:
Limiting beliefs are the cause of more problems than the average person imagines.  NLP technology can pinpoint these beliefs very specifically and quickly. This saves your client valuable time, while freeing them from the burden of unnecessary anxiety & stress.

                              Core beliefs  are those beliefs that are effecting everything .
                         These are most often at the root of most issues. NLP has the tools
to quickly & easily identify these beliefs. 

BUT … more importantly NLP trains it’s practitioners in the art of communicating with the hidden unconscious mind .  This is critical. Why?

Because it is the unconscious mind that has the power to accept or veto any new behavior, belief, or sense of self.

Having the skill to get the client’s unconscious mind on your side means faster and more lasting change. And this usually results in more clarity, and access to inner guidance for your client.


TWO:
People are very hesitant to share an idea they intellectually KNOW is not true, but is ruling their behavior anyway. What holds these limiting ideas in place even though you absolutely KNOW they are limiting, stupid, and self-sabotaging your goals?

It is the heightened emotional charge on these kind of constricting ideas
that hold the limitations in place.

Energy Psychology zeros in on those now identified limiting beliefs your clients intellectually KNOW are not true, but FEEL true anyway.

These tools can then radically reduce the heightened emotional charge holding the constriction and limitation in place.

Energy Psychology tools can shift how the limiting belief FEELS in the body.  And this shifts the client’s relationship to that belief. It’s no long a truth. The reduction of the emotional charge has reshaped it into just an idea they used to believe, but now seems almost irrelevant.

Most EP tools seem counter intuitive to the client.  But if you have the power of rapport on your side (established  through communicating with the unconscious mind) , most are quite willing to follow your guidance and engage in an EP process.


THREE:
NLP
can then take the new belief the client wanted to replace the old one and create a new neurological coding in the brain. This will cause the brain to fire off the better option and flow right past the coding that used to fire the old unwanted belief.

The human process will ALWAYS choose the best option available. 

If this is true, the quest for change means creating more and better options for response.

And creating them as quickly and efficiently as possible with the most lasting results.

This is why i’ts time for NLP and Energy Psychology to partner up and become the most common skill-set in everyone’s tool kit offering accelerated behavioral change.


If you’d like to learn more,
please check out my FREE Webinar on July 9th at 9 am PST.

Just CLICK HERE to save your spot today.

It’s just a few days away. 
And, yes. A recording will be made available should you be unable to attend in person.

 

 

***images by www.Pixabay.com & www.PresenterMedia.com

The Relationship Between Love & Coaching

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courtesy of www.Pixabay.com – Post by Ragini Michaels

It may seem strange to think about ‘love’ having a place in coaching. Yet, in my world, it is the fundamental ground for all success. Why would that be?

Well, I guess we first have to create a working definition for this very powerful word that brings up all kinds of responses and reactions.

So here’s how I’m going to define it for the purpose of finding its place in coaching. (And all other areas concerned with lessening the suffering and confusion we human beings can’t seem to get away from.)

Love: the release of all personal & professional judgement about who is in front of you, the way they are perceiving their reality, and how they are navigating their lives.

butterflies-843298_1920Sound simple? Well, most folks in the people helping professions would say this is a ‘no-brainer’.

Yet, we all find out, sooner or later, that it’s not so easy to actually do.

Here’s where awareness, presence, consciousness, and the power of mindfulness enter the scene.

These capacities offer a bit of distance from what is in front of your eyes and ears and emotions. They allow you to take that needed ‘step back’ from your reactions and assessments (including your beautiful psychological, emotional, and energetic training).

That tiny step away from the situation frees you to find a new ground that allows you to take a new kind of action. That is action based on clarity about the client’s view of reality (both problem & solution).

One of the most helpful models for accomplishing this seemingly easy but actually very challenging task is NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). NLP is well known for its trail of almost magical, fast change techniques.

BUT … I found its most amazing contribution to be the fundamental skill set for communication with the unconscious mind, which is the key for developing an uncanny level of trust, and the uncanny results that come with it.

Communication With The Unconscious Mind Is The Key

This NLP skill set offers the precise tools for demonstrating what I call Love In Action – a deep respect for and acceptance of the client’s personal and very unique sense of reality.

communication-1015376_1920Respect and acceptance is what happens when you can suspend your judgments and assessments about what’s wrong and what needs to be fixed or corrected.

It’s easy to pay lip service to the fundamental coaching perspective: Your client is perfect as they are.

However, it requires skill to demonstrate this in your actual words and behavior.

Why is this important? So the client’s unconscious mind finds you worthy of its trust.

And the unconscious mind has to trust you in order to grant permission for the requested change to actually emerge.

I am a faithful proponent of including NLP into every coach’s repertoire. This model gave me the gift of running my private practice for over 4 decades by referrals only. I think that speaks for its efficacy and effectiveness.

The Problem With Judgment – Even When You Believe It’s Accurate

When judgement happens outside of your awareness, (even if it’s an accurate assessment), the judgment (whether positive or negative) still shows in your non-verbal and often verbal behaviors, like tonality, tempo, inflection, and volume. This can even impact how you unconsciously structure your sentences.

My point is thatoffer-442904_1920 if you’re unaware of your own judgments about what you’re perceiving in the other (even if you’re seeing a perfect match to your psychological training for dysfunction), you limit your ability to demonstrate Love In Action.

There is little that can replace the power of communicating respect and true acceptance of the other’s perception of reality. As human beings, we almost all feel more than a little starved for recognition, acceptance, and approval.

So even though you have judgments about the way the other is perceiving things, the skill set I’m advocating allows you to consciously and purposefully move beyond them.

This frees you to demonstrate respect and acceptance in both your language and non-verbal communications. You will have developed a discerning eye for the innate challenges of the human condition, and how to perceive beyond their intrinsic limitations.

The Most Healing & Life Changing Gift You Can Give Another

I would go so far as to assert that demonstrating Love In Action as I’ve defined it here is the most healing and life changing gift you can give another.

It is a rare ability to truly communicate acceptance and respect for another’s perception of reality.

The idea is easy. The actualization of the idea into your behavior requires time and energy to develop.

hands-718562_1920But you do have this capacity. And I encourage anyone working with people in any context to take the time to at least explore this powerful skill set offered via NLP.

In so doing, you will amplify the power you bring to the communication table – both conscious and unconscious – whether for professional or personal outcomes.

Where You Can Learn This Skill

You will want this skill set in your communication tool bag. To learn more about how to get it, please go to www.InspiredNLP.com. Take a moment and check out the details for my NLP Coach Certification training granted to me through the original certifying body, The Society Of NLP.

I was honored to study NLP back in the late 1970’s with co-founders Richard Bandler & Grinder, and later on with Robert Dilts and Leslie Cameron Bandler.

Because of that, I can promise a bit of the original purity that always accompanies a great model before it becomes popular and mainstream, and some of what made it so great fades into the background.

Much love to you,

Ragini

*all images courtesy of www.Pixabay.com
Continue reading

Are You Honoring Your Client’s Reality?

image by www.123rf.com – Post by Ragini Michaels

Reality is a funny word.  It’s very personal and it’s very impersonal. That means it’s relative and it’s universal.  As a coach, counselor, or therapist, it’s your job to discriminate between the two and never assume you know your client’s perception of reality; nor assume that your perception of reality is better than, or more correct, than theirs.

These kinds of assumptions make you blind to (or at least forgetful of) the necessity of not only discovering your client’s view of reality, but also honoring it – in your language, in how you explore strategies or solutions, and in your overall approach to the issue at hand.

Deeply Understanding The Nature Of Personal Reality

20329192_sJust grasping the nature of personal reality is often mind-boggling, much less waxing philosophic on the nature of absolute reality. So let’s just stick to the reality we personally create for ourselves.

NLP assumes personal reality has a structure that is not laid in stone. Rather its nature is flexibility. In this way it is impersonal. The content however is very personal, or relative to the individual experiencing it.

Yet, years of experience under your belt (or even when you’re just beginning), can cause you to feel that you know things for certain. And this can produce difficulties.

Why? Certainty closes the door to further exploration; and this can block your ability to recognize, accept, respect, and meet your client in the reality where they live.

Why Certainty Kills Off Creative Exploration

When an idea hardens into a certainty, it starts to FEEL like Truth. When you feel you know the truth about your client, you are at risk of missing your client’s truth (as well as your own). You are at risk of missing how their perception of the truth is holding their personal reality in place,  imprisoning them and creating their pain and suffering.

When your personal reality loses its flexibility via certainty, it is hard to adapt to the flow of the creative personal realities streaming by from your clients. The bad news is that your professional expertise and experience can easily create this situation.  The good news is that with a little bit of awareness and willingness, you can reclaim your perceptual flexibility and increase your capacity to work within your client’s personal reality instead of your own.

The Paradox: Challenging Your Certainty While Staying Confident & Sure

Years ago when I was living in an ashram in India, I remember the most empowering thing I learned while participating in a spiritual therapy training. The leader said that 14664832 - 3d person character and a question mark - 3d render illustrationanytime I found myself saying ‘I want X for my client’, I had slipped into doing therapy for myself rather than my client. It was a disturbing thought.  But it changed my notion of what helping another person actually meant.

In those days, I was certain I understood the mind and how it worked. I was certain that all I had to do was deliver this information to my clients and they could then change – if they wanted to badly enough.

Of course, I was totally wrong. But the reason I was wrong was because I was certain that I knew the truth, the way things actually were. I can chalk that up to youth and inexperience, of course.  But I also know how easy it is, even today, to fall into this desire for the comfort and confidence that certainty and conviction offer.

The most powerful antidote for certainty is doubt. Just a little bit of questioning shakes up certainty enough to help you regain the professional balance required to truly help another person learn they can actually help themselves.

In the presence of certainty, doubt brings you back to the understanding that all personal realities are unique and therefore different. This requires you to 1) be present and 2) be willing to accept what you find. This reopens the door to your perceptual flexibility and inspired creativity.

The Man Who Wore His Past As A Blanket

Not long ago, I was working with a client whose life was still being dominated by his past. He understood that what he’d been taught as a child from a fundamentalist church and family was no longer what he believed. But, he couldn’t seem to get away from it. He knew it wasn’t true intellectually, but the teachings still felt like the TRUTH.

He had started to explore a specific aspect of his life when I had the thought to check out where he stored his past experiences.  I asked him to point in the direction of his past.  He said it didn’t have a direction. So I asked him to point in the direction of his future and he pointed straight ahead of him. So I asked him again to tell me where his past was and he then shared, “All around me – like a blanket.”

58471633_sNow I’ve worked with enough clients to KNOW this was a major sticking point. Your past should be behind you, where it belongs. I KNEW that if I worked with exploring how to do something different with his experience of the past that I could get more of the change he was looking for. I got intrigued with the challenge of how I could change it.

Then I remembered that the client hadn’t asked me to change how he stored his past. He asked me to help him explore how to enjoy his retirement. This caused me to doubt my conviction that changing direction right then and exploring how he stored his past was the road to travel

So I put my certainty aside, despite the fact that working with time storage in the past had been really powerful. But I was determined to honor my commitment to following my client’s lead. So we went ahead and did the piece of work he’d just started.

At the end of it, when the client felt the change he’d been after that day had happened, I got curious and casually asked him where his past was now.  Lo and behold, he said, “Oh, it’s behind me now.” That was it. He wasn’t surprised or amazed. It had just shifted on its own as a result of the work he’d been doing that day.

It reminded me once again how every person has everything they need to make the changes they want and to get to the outcomes they desire.  My only job is to help them discover and utilize these amazing inner resources. And more often than not, they know exactly how to get it done much better than I do.

The Joys Of Honoring Your Client’s Reality

It had always a great feeling to think I’d helped someone make a change and get the outcome they wanted. But somewhere inside, I actually felt like they made the change because of me and my expertise.  Well, of course, that was half the truth. The other half was that it’s always all the client’s doing.

It’s a paradox, of course. Both are needed.  The 12730236_sguide and the person wanting direction. But when you guide your clients back to themselves as the source of the change, the inspiration, and the motivation to get it done, the joy inside multiples geometrically.

And, in my opinion, when you really know this to be a true – when you are certain – without a doubt – that it is the client doing all the hard work, that truly wonderful sense of being of service arises, pure and simple.

For me, it is the delight of all delights. Like the teacher who gets thrilled when the light suddenly shines in the student’s eyes as they get the point, or connect the dots, and finally understand. It is this mixture of grace and gratitude that is the real payoff of staying true to working within your client’s personal reality.

If you enjoyed this post, please check out more at www.ToHelpYouHelpOthers.com/blog and www.RaginiMichaels.com/blog. And feel free to subscribe if you like.

Best to you,
Ragini

images from www.123rf.com

Phobias And Energy Psychology

scream-cartoon-paintingDo you have clients who are stuck in moving forward in one area of their life, or many?  Do you have clients who get so nervous when they have to do something out of their comfort area?  Do you wish you could help them lighten their anxiety or embarrassment?  You can.  Just think phobias of shame and fear.

Many people grew up with a lot of criticism and shame, and have phobias they are totally unaware are actually running their lives.  Think of any block that a client has as a potential phobia, and you will see how helpful this approach will be for your work.

There are the usual phobias of spiders, small places, etc., and these can be addressed here.  But the phobias that are the most useful are the subtle ones that operate around failure, success, having a relationship, getting a new job, and being relaxed in social situations that are so helpful to your clients.

If you’re in the Seattle area, come have some fun with us as we:  Name that phobia… and release it with 3 basic tools from Energy Psychology.

Sponsored by WMHCA (Washington Mental Health Counselors Association). March 25,2016. 9 to 4:30. CEU’s Available. For more details and registration, CLICK HERE..

Got What You Need To Help Others Create Mental & Emotional Balance?

Our everyday lives are transforming at breakneck speed. If you’re over 30, you know the life you knew growing up is definitely a thing of the past.

As the world keeps speeding us into ‘more, better, and faster’, it creates a dramatic challenge for the average person’s mental and emotional balance. The degree of stress, overwhelm, anxiety and depression has increased at a staggering velocity, birthing new addictions, unfamiliar challenges, and unsettling confusions.

The quest for a fresh way to manage this avalanche of new problems has spawned greater interest in religion, spirituality, meditation, mindfulness, conscious awakening, and personal transformation.

To keep up with these emerging issues, it is useful to keep exploring the newest models, methods, processes, and techniques capable of responding to the concerns of today.

In the rush to manage this explosion of stress and overwhelm, we have discovered the necessity of four-pillars-morguefile-1000x751what we call The 4 Pillars. We have found these to be essential for anyone aiming to help others (and themselves) in our new and rapidly changing world.

With some degree of expertise in each of these areas, you can more easily and correctly identify your client’s issues, how they perceive Continue reading

Want To Be A Healer? But … Is It Really Possible To Heal Another?

The best answer I’ve ever found to this question is the word ‘Po’, coined by Edward DeBono, a modern non-Aristotelian logician.

‘Po’ means neither yes nor no. It means you are neither for nor against either possibility. It means moving beyond the no of logic (that leads you to the right answer), and the yes of belief systems (that make you feel you have the right answer).


‘Po’ positions you in the space surrounding either yes or no as the right answer.

‘Po’ deposits you at the home address of true creativity; that point of power where two opposites meet and merge into a new whole, a new insight, or a new guideline.



What Does This Have To Do With Healing?

Well, here’s the thing. The safest position to take on this question is ‘Po’. Let’s take a look at why I say this.

On the one hand, it sure looks like healers heal others when healing is defined as taking away painbutterfly-on-leaves-in-sun and suffering. If it’s physical pain, the release can be accomplished many ways: an aspirin, acupuncture, surgery, repairing broken links between organs, systems and the brain, and many more.

If it’s emotional pain, reducing that emotional challenge is definitely do-able with the newest Energy Psychology techniques such as Callahan Tapping, EFT, TFT, TAT and many others. You can rearrange the configuration of images, sound, and feeling that create the emotion via techniques from NLP or hypnosis in deep or waking trance. And of course, there’s the age old technique of  simply giving someone a hug or just reaching out and gently taking their hand.

If it’s mental pain, releasing fixed points of view that hamper perceptual flexibility can be accomplished by challenging presuppositions, introducing new models of meaning and purpose, or a simple re-education of how things actually work, like relationships or the fact that consequences are the other side of the coin of accountability.

So clearly healers can release pain in a variety of ways. Yet, here’s where a much more important question emerges; a question far more important for you as the healer than for the one being healed.

Who Is Doing The Healing?
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Ready To Learn Something New & Dazzling? Truly Beyond Belief?

Any of your clients mentioned what I call the alphabet tools, like EFT, TAT, TFT, EMDR and other energy psychology techniques?

Have you wondered yet if they’re really effective? Have you thought about learning them by surfing the internet? Or buying a few books? Or have you already tried them out but still feel less than comfortable about bringing your knowledge back into the office?

If you’re like me, you probably don’t want to bring a new tool into your work unless you’ve got a good understanding of what it is and how it works. You want to feel like you can answer any questions your client might ask you.

Almost 20 years ago, I found myself pulled into a training for something called EMDR. It took a bit of courage because at the time, it was definitely odd, and assuredly out of my comfort zone. But I was always willing to use anything that worked. And because EMDR did get results, it quickly became a part of my professional repertoire.

Then, one of my EMDR trained colleagues got interested in an acupressure technique called TFT (Thought Field Therapy). Through a series of synchronistic events, I found myself in yet another odd training which led me to another and then another. As a result of this exploration and exposure, my entire way of perceiving my work changed – in a very good way.

orange alphabet 900x602But there was a problem. As a fairly traditional psychotherapist with nearly twenty years of experience, I was seriously challenged on how to integrate into my practice what I knew were extremely useful tools. How do you introduce these valuable methods to your clients?

Somewhere I had the idea that being professional didn’t include being ‘odd’. But if you’re dedicated Continue reading

Are You Aware of Rapport’s Slippery Reality?

Everyone in this business knows that rapport is the bottom line IF you want to get the change the client is asking for. But we don’t always stay tuned into rapport throughout the course of a session – and THAT creates more problems than almost anything else.

Most of us define rapport as something that happens when two folks can relate to each other, connect, or feel safe; in other words, when you like each other. In the world of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), rapport is defined as your connection, or lack of it, with the unconscious mind – not whether the client likes you, or feels safe with you.

Your first job is to create rapport with the client’s unconscious mind – and then sustain it. Or, what I have found to be even more important, knowing when rapport gets broken and how to re-establish it on the spot!

How do you get an unconscious mind to feel safe with you? Not necessarily by being nice and kind, or looking and sounding understanding. The unconscious mind knows that you see it when you reflect back its own patterns.

We all easily relate to people we feel are the same as us. We assume because they are so similar, they can understand us and that creates a feeling of safety – as if we’re in the presence of a member of our own tribe.

NLP is widely known for teaching students to create rapport by mirroring their client’s body postures, movements, eye patterns, and language. But the key is knowing how to assess whether or not you succeeded in establishing rapport with the unconscious mind.

Lemon slice with water dropsHow do you do it? Continue reading