In this second installment, let’s take a look at NLP, your biology, and spiritual healing.
In my previous post What Could NLP Possibly Have To Do With Spirituality, we took a look at how NLP can support the quest for living a more spiritually oriented life.
The article noted that NLP is known for it’s use of language to help bridge the gapbetween a client’s desired state and their current state. And it does this by tapping into the brain’s power to create new neural pathways.
In this case, the client wants help in bridging the gap between being both a human being and a spiritual being.
What You Should Know About Biology &
The Power Of Your Cells
We all have a mind and a body.
So let’s check out the body’s influence on our desire to evolve and live into a more spiritually informed life. I’m talking here about folks who want more mindfulness, presence, and awareness integrated into their daily activities.
To help us better understand why this is so difficult, let me reference Dr. Bruce Lipton, the creator of The Biology of Perception videos.
In his YouTube videos, Dr. Lipton states that the cells in your body are programmed to do only two things: either grow or protect.
The cell can be in growth mode. That means moving toward positive signals or nutrients.
OR, the cell can be in protection mode. That means moving away from negative signals or toxins.
It seems the whole physical system is set up on an either/or basis. It operates like an on/off switch. It’s not like a dimmer mechanism that flows between on and off.
Unfortunately, ‘flow’ is what folks into meditation, mindfulness, contemplation and living a spiritually infused life are actually asking for.
They want to seamlessly flow between the tasks and responsibilities of being human AND the joys of being divine love and compassion.
BUT … the more protection the cell determines it needs, the less growth it can make. No matter what’s going on, for the cells, it’s all about survival first.
The Desire To Stay Safe
vs. The Desire To Risk Beyond The Known
Dr. Lipton says that ‘perception rewrites genes’. If he’s correct, how you perceive things can affect your biology, brain, and behavior. Wow! That is a very amazing thing to consider.
Remember the three sets of conflicting guidelinesidentified in the last post? And how we almost always find ourselves struggling over which guideline to follow?
I’ll share them again so they’re fresh in your mind.
Human Self: Keep moving & go after what you want. Divine Self: Stay still & be grateful for what is.
Human Self: Focus on the future & expect to get what you want Divine Self: Focus on the present & let things be as they are.
Human Self: Heal your wounds from the past. Divine Self: You are perfect as you are.
We struggle with these because we view them as contradictory and incompatible.
As we struggle to make a choice, it feels like a real battle in our body – stressful, frustrating, and confusing. Which will win our energy and commitment?
Perceiving these guidelines with mindfulness and presence would be approaching them as complementary.
Remember the cells? When they’re healthy, they can stay balanced, growing when needed, and protecting when needed. No fight. Just responding to the call of the moment.
You can transform your perception of these contradictory guidelines to actually being complementary to each other. You can learn to perceive them as a working partnership which in fact they actually are.
Embracing this understanding can free you to create a new neural pathway in the brain. And you can embrace them most easily with the support of language & imagination.
And these are the cornerstones of the NLP model for accelerated behavioral change.
Not Sure Brain Cells Can Grow New Neural Networks?
Here’s the link to a 42 second YouTube video showing a time lapse of a neural network growing over 170 hours. CLICK BELOW TO WATCH
So what can trigger the creation of a new neural pathway? How can combining NLP, your biology & spiritual healing cause this happen?
Transforming the new idea into language & then into imagination.
Of course, the new perception has to be strong enough to actually stimulate the brain into action. That can take a long time. However, NLP can help you speed up the process. It is truly worth checking out.
Please CLICK HERE to save your spot at my FREE 30 Minute Webinar NLP & Spiritual Healing, August 6th, 9 am PST.
If you miss it, not to worry. If it’s past August 6th, the above link should direct you how to view the replay.
Is there any connection between NLP & spiritual healing? Interesting question. Let’s say the answer is both ‘yes’ and ‘no’.
NLPhas to do with the mind.
Spirituality has to do with something greater than the mind.
NLP is great at bridging the gapbetween problems and their solutions.
Spiritualityoffers a taste of what lies on the other side of the gap between being human and being divine.
If you believe we humans beings are also divine beings, a specific conundrum arises.
Whatever language a person uses to reference their religious or spiritual life, they are using words. NLP is the art of utilizing languageto transform a perceived problem into its desired solution.
The ‘neuro’ part of Neuro-Linguistic Programming has the goal of accessing the brain’s neuroplasticity. When directed to do so, the brain is capable of creating new neural pathways tocarry the new perceptions your clients (or you) wants to have.
The Emergence Of Bewildering Advice
Being both human and divine generates some confusing and paradoxical guidelines. You’ve heard them all. But you may not realize how they influence the way you live, make decisions, and try to resolve the hard challenges that keep arising in daily life.
Here are 3 of the most confusing sets of guidelines for being successful, happy AND peaceful: Continue reading →
Today’s clients want change fast which means efficient communication. In our everyday world, speed has become king. And personal growth is not immune to this desire.
Speed is in high demand. And on top of that, you may find yourself dealing with time constraints also imposed on the client’s desire for personal growth & professional development.
This reality is forcing coaches to learn how to work faster, more efficiently, and most important, remain as effective as ever in producing long term results.
The key to handling this conundrum is discovering and embracing the art of rapport.
Efficient communication can be disrupted when you become:
Secretly ambivalent about seeing new clients
Nervous about starting to get your coaching career off the ground
At a loss to understand why a very ‘easy’ client suddenly became ‘difficult’
Sensing you lost your client somewhere along the way and don’t know why or how
Afraid to take on a client who seems resistant to doing the work, yet wants the change they’re asking for
Exasperated, but suddenly confident that person falls into the category of being ‘uncoachable’
Certain your client isn’t ‘ready’ to do the work they need to do to get the change they want
Without The Skill To Develop & Maintain Rapport
You Can Reach Unhelpful Conclusions
These concerns have contributed to the development of three very unhelpful notions that block efficient communication. And my concern is that these ideas have become all too prevalent, and accepted as true, in the world of coaching.
Because these ideas provide the coach with a reason for the appearance of all of the above stated concerns, they have the power to interrupt the coaching process, often before it truly begins.
When left unchallenged, these ideas can become the stated reason why the coach is not able to get the client to their stated goal – leaving you, the coach, (and your client) feeling a bit lost, confused, and frustrated.
When a coach embraces these three ideas as the ‘truth’ about their client, the coach’s value and usefulness to the client can quickly fade into the background.
And this also leaves the coach feeling less than great about their skill, and often doubting their competence & capabilities.
Are you feeling a little pressured because clients are generally expecting quick results? If so, you may be at the effect of these 3 pervasive ideas. They can 1) disrupt efficient communication, 2) stymie your success and 3) cut you off from your professional creative power.
The 3 Ideas Sure To Disrupt Efficient Communication
Too frequently I hear the following 3 notions as the reason a client is not reaching their goal. And, why the coach is helpless to make it different.
The first most pervasive notion is that it is possible for a client to be ‘un-coachable’.
The second most pervasive notion is that the client isn’t ready to make the change they say they want.
And the third most pervasive notion is that the client doesn’t really want to change.
These all translate into the notion that somehow the problem is with the client. And that may or may not be the reality of the situation.
With the proper skills, these three ideas lose their power and sense of truthfulness.
This skill-set frees the coach to dive into the what is now an open book – and help the client keep moving toward their goal.
All clients automatically become ‘coachable’ when you know how to establish rapport with their unconscious mind.
This is the last day to sign up to attend My Free Webinar On July 23, 2019
Learn Why RAPPORT Is The Fundamental Key To Your Long Term Success
To enroll, please CLICK HERE.
If you can’t make it, not to worry. A recording will be available.
courtesy of www.PresenterMedia.com – Article by Ragini Michaels
Could you be underestimating the importance of building rapport in coaching? Here’s why it is extremely important; and why it is not to be overlooked:
Rapport is the number one key to having your clients return. Not only for a few follow up sessions. But calling you for help with new issues years later, again and again. They will remember you and court your guidance to help them navigate through new problems. And all of this based on the rapport you established the first time around.
Rapport is the number one key to unlockingyour client’s desire to shout your name to the rooftops with lavish and powerful referrals. They feel happy with how they felt in your presence. AND grateful you helped them get where they wanted to go. With great rapport, clients can hardly contain their joy and will sing your praises to everyone they know. (Ok. A bit of an exaggeration. But still, after 4 decades of private practice sustained by client referrals only, I can’t say it’s that much of an exaggeration.)
Rapport is the number one key to transforming the most difficult and resistant client into one of the easiest and most fun to work with. Knowing how to purposely build rapport can move the most recalcitrant person into wanting to give up the fight.This situation almost begs for your own creative juices to get involved. And that’s where it becomes fun to work with the previously thought to be ‘difficult and un-coachable’ client.
When I’ve asked coaching professionals if they agree with the importance of building rapport in coaching, this is what I hear again and again: ‘That’s a no-brainer.Of course it’s important’
Yet, when I ask how they know, for sure, they have rapport, I get a variety of interesting answers:
They seem to like me.
Well, they answer all my questions.
I’ve worked with their problem before, so my confidence inspires trust.
I listen a lot and am not intrusive.
I match them energetically and that’s all it takes.
My reputation precedes me, so of course they feel comfortable.
So, if what you’re doing is keeping your practice up and running, and growing, that’s great.
But if not, read on and I’ll share with you the real importance of building rapport in coaching. But first….
What is Rapport, Really?
Well, let me start with what rapport actually isn’t. It’s good to be clear about this. If you start to feel like you’re trying to push a square peg into a round hole, that’s a clue you don’t have it.
Rapport is not:
People answering your questions
Established automatically because of your background or reputation
Listening avidly and not asking too many questions.
Being from the same hometown, or having the same teachers.
People go to a coach for help in changing a wide range of things: behaviors, limiting beliefs, or debilitating and hurtful notions about who they think they are.
It is this conscious desire to change behavior that can bring them to an NLP Coach rather than a traditionally trained coach.
This is because an NLP Coach is not only trained in the art of skillful inquiry. They are also trained in the science of accelerated behavioral change.
When does the importance of building rapport in coaching becomes obvious? When you realize it’s theunconscious mind you have to work with. No behavioral change can happen without it’s blessing.
The Key To Accelerated Behavioral Change
Many avenues of personal growth rest on the notion that if you understand why what you’re doing isn’t working, you should be able to change it.
If your strategy is wrong and you generate a new one, you should then be free to do what you couldn’t do before.
If your belief is wrong and you can figure out the right belief, then you should be able to behave in the new ways it allows.
Up to a point, this is certainly true and a useful course of action. But how about after that point?
When behaviors don’t change and shifting beliefs and strategies don’t do the trick, another angle of vision is needed.
That angle becomes available in a fundamental NLP skill-set:
The skills for communicating not only with the client’s conscious mind, but with their unconscious mind as well.
Why is this extremely important to know?
It is the unconscious mind that has the power to embrace
OR veto your client’s conscious desire for change.
In NLP, building rapport means establishing trust – with the unconscious mind. And that’s what cinches the importance of building rapport in coaching.
Your client’s unconscious mind needs to trust YOU before it will explore the possibility of embracing that desired new behavior.
Rapport & Your Client’s Unconscious Mind
Your client’s conscious desire to change is what brings them to you asking for help. The unconscious mind’s desire is to keep things as they are.
The unconscious mind’s job is to protect the client. It operates out of an uncompromising commitment to safety and protection.
And this is what can make it so difficult, or seemingly impossible, for the client to get the change they want.
The unconscious mind can be completely unaware that a behavior is no longer working for the client.
So it operates under the notion that when something isn’t broken, don’t mess with it. Keeping the status quo is its favorite M.O.
When you have rapport with the unconscious mind, it trusts you. But more importantly, it will communicate with you.
As a coach, you want to be free to communicate directly with the mind that is in charge of behavior.
This reveals the importance of building rapport in coaching – and maintaining it throughout your session. Without it, the process of change can be much slower and stodgier than it needs to be.
If you’re interested in learning more, please CLICK HERE to sign up for my FREE 30 Minute Webinar –The Art Of Rapport – this coming Tuesday, July 23rd at 9 am PST.
A recording will be available, so be sure to sign up even if you can’t attend. And I’ll be including a free download – Tips For Creating Rapport.
I hope you found this interesting. If you’d like to chat with me personally, just go to www.Calendly.com/rm–10/30min to schedule a 30 minute free call at your convenience. I’d be delighted to meet you.
Heard Of NLP And Energy Psychology? Wonder Why These Two Mental Emotional Health Models Actually Make Great Allies?
NLP and Energy Psychology offer practitioners new options to fill the increasing demand for accelerated behavioral change.
Today’s mental and emotional health considerations bring new challenges – resulting in the demand for more short term engagement resulting in greater long term results.
Our fast paced world is forcing all of us to move faster, be quicker on our feet, and stay focused on innovation and what’s next, just to keep up – even if we’re wise enough to know it’s not smart, healthy, or wise.
NLP & Energy Psychology:
New Skill Sets For New & Changing Times
Beliefsabout our capabilities, possibilities, sense of identity, and emerging spiritual realities are both expanding and contracting, creating a stronger sense of conflict and fear.
These shifts are forcing today’s mental and emotional health practitioner to move more efficiently and effectively. To me, that means working at a new and deeper level with both conscious awareness and acceptance.
That deeper level is the unconsciousmind. This moves us past ‘just talk’ to ‘talk from a different angle’.
NLP has been said to revitalize the power
of traditional talk therapy.
Shifting external forces are combining with the reactivity of confused & frightened internal forces (thoughts & feelings). Together, these continue to shape and reshape our expectations and sense of direction individually and globally.
This creates a fast paced pressure to create a better world (and save the one we have). People simply don’t have the time, money, or energy to invest in long term and expensive therapy.
People want their desired changes to happen fast! today! now!
and preferably yesterday!
People want their brain to be on the same page as their desires. Limiting beliefs & fears can make that impossible. Unless …
the desired outcome is coded into the brain as a better option than the old unwanted limited beliefs that limit capabilities, possibility, and sense of self. Here’s how NLP and Energy Psychology come to the rescue.
The Three Reasons
There are three reasons why these two models of mental emotional health can be of great value to you as a coach or consultant. And this applies whether you work with any individuals, teams, or businesses.
ONE: Limiting beliefs are the cause of more problems than the average person imagines. NLP technology can pinpoint these beliefs very specifically and quickly. This saves your client valuable time, while freeing them from the burden of unnecessary anxiety & stress.
Core beliefs are those beliefs that are effecting everything . These are most often at the root of most issues. NLP has the tools
to quickly & easily identify these beliefs.
BUT … more importantly NLP trains it’s practitioners in the art of communicating with the hidden unconscious mind . This is critical. Why?
Because it is the unconscious mind that has the power to accept or veto any new behavior, belief, or sense of self.
Having the skill to get the client’sunconscious mind on your side means faster and more lasting change. And this usually results in more clarity, and access to inner guidance for your client.
TWO: People are very hesitant to share an idea they intellectually KNOW is not true, but is ruling their behavior anyway. What holds these limiting ideas in place even though you absolutely KNOW they are limiting, stupid, and self-sabotaging your goals?
It is the heightened emotional charge on these kind of constricting ideas that hold the limitations in place.
Energy Psychology zeros in on those now identified limiting beliefs your clients intellectually KNOW are not true, but FEEL true anyway.
These tools can then radically reduce the heightened emotional charge holding the constriction and limitation in place.
Energy Psychology tools can shift how the limiting belief FEELS in the body. And this shifts the client’s relationship to that belief. It’s no long a truth. The reduction of the emotional charge has reshaped it into just an ideathey used to believe, but now seems almost irrelevant.
Most EP tools seem counter intuitive to the client. But if you have the power of rapporton your side (established through communicating with the unconscious mind) , most are quite willing to follow your guidance and engage in an EP process.
THREE: NLP can then take the new belief the client wanted to replace the old one and create a new neurological coding in the brain.This will cause the brain to fire off the better option and flow right past the coding that used to fire the old unwanted belief.
The human process will ALWAYS choose the best option available.
If this is true, the quest for change means creating more and better options for response.
And creating them as quickly and efficiently as possible with the most lasting results.
This is why i’ts time for NLP and Energy Psychology to partner up and become the most common skill-set in everyone’s tool kit offering accelerated behavioral change.
If you’d like to learn more, please check out my FREE Webinar on July 9th at 9 am PST.
courtesy of www.Pixabay.com – Post by Ragini Michaels
It may seem strange to think about ‘love’ having a place in coaching. Yet, in my world, it is the fundamental ground for all success. Why would that be?
Well, I guess we first have to create a working definition for this very powerful word that brings up all kinds of responses and reactions.
So here’s how I’m going to define it for the purpose of finding its place in coaching. (And all other areas concerned with lessening the suffering and confusion we human beings can’t seem to get away from.)
Love: the release of all personal & professional judgement about who is in front of you, the way they are perceiving their reality, and how they are navigating their lives.
Sound simple? Well, most folks in the people helping professions would say this is a ‘no-brainer’.
Yet, we all find out, sooner or later, that it’s not so easy to actually do.
Here’s where awareness, presence, consciousness, and the power of mindfulness enter the scene.
These capacities offer a bit of distance from what is in front of your eyes and ears and emotions. They allow you to take that needed ‘step back’ from your reactions and assessments (including your beautiful psychological, emotional, and energetic training).
That tiny step away from the situation frees you to find a new ground that allows you to take a new kind of action. That is action based on clarity about the client’s view of reality (both problem & solution).
One of the most helpful models for accomplishing this seemingly easy but actually very challenging task is NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). NLP is well known for its trail of almost magical, fast change techniques.
BUT … I found its most amazing contribution to be the fundamental skill set for communication with the unconscious mind, which is the key for developing an uncanny level of trust, and the uncanny results that come with it.
Communication With The Unconscious Mind Is The Key
This NLP skill set offers the precise tools for demonstrating what I call Love In Action – a deep respect for and acceptance of the client’s personal and very unique sense of reality.
Respect and acceptance is what happens when you can suspend your judgments and assessments about what’s wrong and what needs to be fixed or corrected.
It’s easy to pay lip service to the fundamental coaching perspective: Your client is perfect as they are.
However, it requires skill to demonstrate this in your actual words and behavior.
Why is this important? So the client’s unconscious mind finds you worthy of its trust.
And the unconscious mind has to trust you in order to grant permission for the requested change to actually emerge.
I am a faithful proponent of including NLP into every coach’s repertoire. This model gave me the gift of running my private practice for over 4 decades by referrals only. I think that speaks for its efficacy and effectiveness.
The Problem With Judgment – Even When You Believe It’s Accurate
When judgement happens outside of your awareness, (even if it’s an accurate assessment), the judgment (whether positive or negative) still shows in your non-verbal and often verbal behaviors, like tonality, tempo, inflection, and volume. This can even impact how you unconsciously structure your sentences.
My point is that if you’re unaware of your own judgments about what you’re perceiving in the other (even if you’re seeing a perfect match to your psychological training for dysfunction), you limit your ability to demonstrate Love In Action.
There is little that can replace the power of communicating respect and true acceptance of the other’s perception of reality. As human beings, we almost all feel more than a little starved for recognition, acceptance, and approval.
So even though you have judgments about the way the other is perceiving things, the skill set I’m advocating allows you to consciously and purposefully move beyond them.
This frees you to demonstrate respect and acceptance in both your language and non-verbal communications. You will have developed a discerning eye for the innate challenges of the human condition, and how to perceive beyond their intrinsic limitations.
The Most Healing & Life Changing Gift You Can Give Another
I would go so far as to assert that demonstrating Love In Action as I’ve defined it here is the most healing and life changing gift you can give another.
It is a rare ability to truly communicate acceptance and respect for another’s perception of reality.
The idea is easy. The actualization of the idea into your behavior requires time and energy to develop.
But you do have this capacity. And I encourage anyone working with people in any context to take the time to at least explore this powerful skill set offered via NLP.
In so doing, you will amplify the power you bring to the communication table – both conscious and unconscious – whether for professional or personal outcomes.
Where You Can Learn This Skill
You will want this skill set in your communication tool bag. To learn more about how to get it, please go to www.InspiredNLP.com. Take a moment and check out the details for my NLP Coach Certification training granted to me through the original certifying body, The Society Of NLP.
I was honored to study NLP back in the late 1970’s with co-founders Richard Bandler & Grinder, and later on with Robert Dilts and Leslie Cameron Bandler.
Because of that, I can promise a bit of the original purity that always accompanies a great model before it becomes popular and mainstream, and some of what made it so great fades into the background.
Reality is a funny word. It’s very personal and it’s very impersonal. That means it’s relative and it’s universal. As a coach, counselor, or therapist, it’s your job to discriminate between the two and never assume you know your client’s perception of reality; nor assume that your perception of reality is better than, or more correct, than theirs.
These kinds of assumptions make you blind to (or at least forgetful of) the necessity of not only discovering your client’s view of reality, but also honoring it – in your language, in how you explore strategies or solutions, and in your overall approach to the issue at hand.
Deeply Understanding The Nature Of Personal Reality
Just grasping the nature of personal reality is often mind-boggling, much less waxing philosophic on the nature of absolute reality. So let’s just stick to the reality we personally create for ourselves.
NLP assumes personal reality has a structure that is not laid in stone. Rather its nature is flexibility. In this way it is impersonal. The content however is very personal, or relative to the individual experiencing it.
Yet, years of experience under your belt (or even when you’re just beginning), can cause you to feel that you know things for certain. And this can produce difficulties.
Why? Certainty closes the door to further exploration; and this can block your ability to recognize, accept, respect, and meet your client in the reality where they live.
Why Certainty Kills Off Creative Exploration
When an idea hardens into a certainty, it starts to FEEL like Truth. When you feel you know the truth about your client, you are at risk of missing your client’s truth (as well as your own). You are at risk of missing how their perception of the truth is holding their personal reality in place, imprisoning them and creating their pain and suffering.
When your personal reality loses its flexibility via certainty, it is hard to adapt to the flow of the creative personal realities streaming by from your clients. The bad news is that your professional expertise and experience can easily create this situation. The good news is that with a little bit of awareness and willingness, you can reclaim your perceptual flexibility and increase your capacity to work within your client’s personal reality instead of your own.
The Paradox: Challenging Your Certainty While Staying Confident & Sure
Years ago when I was living in an ashram in India, I remember the most empowering thing I learned while participating in a spiritual therapy training. The leader said that anytime I found myself saying ‘I want X for my client’, I had slipped into doing therapy for myself rather than my client. It was a disturbing thought. But it changed my notion of what helping another person actually meant.
In those days, I was certain I understood the mind and how it worked. I was certain that all I had to do was deliver this information to my clients and they could then change – if they wanted to badly enough.
Of course, I was totally wrong. But the reason I was wrong was because I was certain that I knew the truth, the way things actually were. I can chalk that up to youth and inexperience, of course. But I also know how easy it is, even today, to fall into this desire for the comfort and confidence that certainty and conviction offer.
The most powerful antidote for certainty is doubt. Just a little bit of questioning shakes up certainty enough to help you regain the professional balance required to truly help another person learn they can actually help themselves.
In the presence of certainty, doubt brings you back to the understanding that all personal realities are unique and therefore different. This requires you to 1) be present and 2) be willing to accept what you find. This reopens the door to your perceptual flexibility and inspired creativity.
The Man Who Wore His Past As A Blanket
Not long ago, I was working with a client whose life was still being dominated by his past. He understood that what he’d been taught as a child from a fundamentalist church and family was no longer what he believed. But, he couldn’t seem to get away from it. He knew it wasn’t true intellectually, but the teachings still felt like the TRUTH.
He had started to explore a specific aspect of his life when I had the thought to check out where he stored his past experiences. I asked him to point in the direction of his past. He said it didn’t have a direction. So I asked him to point in the direction of his future and he pointed straight ahead of him. So I asked him again to tell me where his past was and he then shared, “All around me – like a blanket.”
Now I’ve worked with enough clients to KNOW this was a major sticking point. Your past should be behind you, where it belongs. I KNEW that if I worked with exploring how to do something different with his experience of the past that I could get more of the change he was looking for. I got intrigued with the challenge of how I could change it.
Then I remembered that the client hadn’t asked me to change how he stored his past. He asked me to help him explore how to enjoy his retirement. This caused me to doubt my conviction that changing direction right then and exploring how he stored his past was the road to travel
So I put my certainty aside, despite the fact that working with time storage in the past had been really powerful. But I was determined to honor my commitment to following my client’s lead. So we went ahead and did the piece of work he’d just started.
At the end of it, when the client felt the change he’d been after that day had happened, I got curious and casually asked him where his past was now. Lo and behold, he said, “Oh, it’s behind me now.” That was it. He wasn’t surprised or amazed. It had just shifted on its own as a result of the work he’d been doing that day.
It reminded me once again how every person has everything they need to make the changes they want and to get to the outcomes they desire. My only job is to help them discover and utilize these amazing inner resources. And more often than not, they know exactly how to get it done much better than I do.
The Joys Of Honoring Your Client’s Reality
It had always a great feeling to think I’d helped someone make a change and get the outcome they wanted. But somewhere inside, I actually felt like they made the change because of me and my expertise. Well, of course, that was half the truth. The other half was that it’s always all the client’s doing.
It’s a paradox, of course. Both are needed. The guide and the person wanting direction. But when you guide your clients back to themselves as the source of the change, the inspiration, and the motivation to get it done, the joy inside multiples geometrically.
And, in my opinion, when you really know this to be a true – when you are certain – without a doubt – that it is the client doing all the hard work, that truly wonderful sense of being of service arises, pure and simple.
For me, it is the delight of all delights. Like the teacher who gets thrilled when the light suddenly shines in the student’s eyes as they get the point, or connect the dots, and finally understand. It is this mixture of grace and gratitude that is the real payoff of staying true to working within your client’s personal reality.
If you enjoyed this post, please check out more at www.ToHelpYouHelpOthers.com/blog and www.RaginiMichaels.com/blog. And feel free to subscribe if you like.
Beliefs are the glue that hold a personal reality in place. And when that reality gets stretched to its limits, the beliefs either break down, making space for something new, or settle into the shape of a conviction that cannot be moved or shaken.
Clients come in all shapes and sizes as do their beliefs. In addition, the way they relate to their beliefs is also quite varied. Here are a few tips for identifying where your client is in this vast spectrum, and how to respond:
Has your client questioned whether or not their beliefs are the TRUTH? Or do they just assume what they believe IS the truth and operate from that assumption?
Help your client explore alternative perspectives via the ‘as if’ question format: Now I know this isn’t the truth, but WHAT IF the opposite were the actual case? What new options might be there? Or how might you relate to things differently if you approached the situation with this alternative view?
Is it clear to you that they have thought about the validity of their belief and remain convinced that their belief is indeed the TRUTH.
Help your client think a bit more deeply by gently offering counterexamples that challenge their conviction as a universal truth. Keep it light and in the form of a question: What about the circumstance where (counterexample) happens? How do you imagine that can occur?
Some clients intellectually know that their beliefs are not true and that they limit them. BUT the beliefs still feel true in their bodies. This is confusing to most people and can evoke feelings of shame and a sense of failure and/or incompetence.
Help your client understand this is a great place to be and that it is now possible to get rid of that feeling of truth in the body. Explain that the belief still feels like a truth in the body because of the amount of emotional charge attached to it.
If you have permission from their system to clear out this belief because it limits them, you can proceed to an Energy Psychology tool or equivalent process. The objective is to choose a tool that will lower the emotional charge until the belief shifts from the felt sense of a truth back into simply a thought that they can act on or not.
There may be other categories of response to seemingly truthful beliefs as well. But these three seem to be most prevalent.
BASIC NOTIONS ABOUT BELIEFS & TRUTH
There are some basic notions about beliefs and truth to explore with your client when needed.
First, make sure your client can distinguish between a relative truth (one that has operating relevance in their personal life) versus an absolute truth (one that is true for everyone, or universally). Offering this distinction can open the door to greater possibilities, insights, and understandings.
For example, how they relate to pistachio ice cream (it’s the best to it sucks) offers a truth based on their own experience (bite of ice cream + like or dislike flavor + generalization out to all pistachio flavored things + the same response will be there for all people who eat pistachio ice cream). Obviously, not everyone experiences pistachio ice cream with the same response. Thus their experience is relative.
Experiences that fall into universal truth would be rain is wet, oranges are round, breathing is composed of an in-breath and an out-breath. These experiences are the same for all people.
Second, the introduction of this distinction creates awareness that the reason we form beliefs is because we can’t know the actual truth. When this is the case, we almost always will create a story or belief that helps us better navigate the unknown or unknowable. For example, beliefs about what happens after death, or deciding that Jane didn’t go out on a second date with Hal because he’s overweight.
Bringing conscious awareness to this distinction makes the freedom they’ve been seeking from the limitation/problem/challenge more available. And that is part of what brought them to see you in the first place, whether they consciously knew it or not.
Simply becoming aware that Belief IS NOT EQUAL To Truth can be incredibly freeing.
BELIEFS, TRUTH, AND POLARIZATION
Extreme polarization is increasingly common today. And with it, comes increased stress and anxiety. Why?
No fixed idea can become a permanent guide to happiness or peace of mind. Things evolve, growth happens, and things change.
When our beliefs are fixed, we lose the ability to navigate our lives and the world effectively.
Without flexibility, we cannot navigate the continually shifting twists and turns of life. And as we’re seeing, this can result in extreme reactive behavior (anger, violence, war), or giving way to giving up (sadness, despair, hopelessness, and helplessness).
Once your client knows intellectually that their belief is not THE truth and thus limiting them from accessing their full potential to respond, you’ve got a green light to go ahead and show your client how to drain that belief of all its power.
And be sure to remind them that they can direct their own process to re channel the released energy into a new form of expression that is of their own choice (curiosity, excitement, flexibility of viewpoint, etc).
Hope these tips have opened up a new door or two to better serving your clients with love and respect. The beauty of the journey is right there in the unfolding of their own unique process.
If you have any questions, or would like to know more, please give me a call at 425 462 4369.
Do you have clients who are stuck in moving forward in one area of their life, or many? Do you have clients who get so nervous when they have to do something out of their comfort area? Do you wish you could help them lighten their anxiety or embarrassment? You can. Just think phobias of shame and fear.
Many people grew up with a lot of criticism and shame, and have phobias they are totally unaware are actually running their lives. Think of any block that a client has as a potential phobia, and you will see how helpful this approach will be for your work.
There are the usual phobias of spiders, small places, etc., and these can be addressed here. But the phobias that are the most useful are the subtle ones that operate around failure, success, having a relationship, getting a new job, and being relaxed in social situations that are so helpful to your clients.
If you’re in the Seattle area, come have some fun with us as we: Name that phobia… and release it with 3 basic tools from Energy Psychology.
Sponsored by WMHCA (Washington Mental Health Counselors Association). March 25,2016. 9 to 4:30. CEU’s Available. For more details and registration, CLICK HERE..